WEDDING WEEKEND

My friend’s wedding is this weekend.  I’m looking forward to it.  Its my first Italian wedding.  I was thinking about that this week, about 90% of the weddings I’ve gone to in my lifetime have been of the Chinese banquet variety.  I think I’ve only gone to three weddings that weren’t.  That was a bit shocking to me because my closest friends aren’t all Asian.

Anyways, I’m the chauffeur of choice to take my friend to the church.  So, I’m borrowing my mom’s car, which is a hell of a lot nicer than my own car.  I like my little clunker, but I don’t think she’s got much left in her.  Plus, my friend seemed a bit relieved when I said I’d use my mom’s car since she’s going away this weekend for a week in California.  I think the relief was partly cause my car’s not the greatest, but also because she wasn’t sure her whole dress would fit in my little car.  Too funny.  Her dress is gorgeous though and not at all too much.  Simple…exactly how weddings should be, in my opinion.

Speaking of dresses, hell, it was rough trying to find something to wear to this wedding.  I had an outfit for the wedding ceremony, but needed something for the evening.  I don’t like shopping, so that was the first hurdle to get through and then sorting through all the crappy things out there to find something decent was not an easy task.  And, there was a lot of crap out there.  I’m not super fussy about my clothes, I mean I’m super casual (maybe that’s the problem?) but seriously, everything I saw was yucky.  But, I finally found something (to my relief) late last week and picked it up a few days ago.  Its just a dressy top for the evening, I had to admit defeat and forget about wearing a one piece and just do the two piece.  I think I’ll be more comfortable anyways.  So, I’m set for the wedding and the reception.  I like wearing two different outfits, its the Asian wedding influence on me.

My friend is very happy and I’m very happy for her.  She found someone when she least expected to.  That’s the best part about it, when she didn’t think she’d find someone, there he was.

DEATH

I haven’t felt compelled to write lately.

My aunt, my mom’s oldest sister, and her husband, have both been in healthcare facilities in Hong Kong for over 15 years.  My aunt went first into the facility, having been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease about 20 years ago.  My uncle became ill a few years after his wife and went into the same facility but in different rooms.

I never got a chance to visit either of them when they fell ill.  I regret that.  Before my aunt got sick, she always made a point to invite me to her home to see her when I was visiting.  I remember those visits vividly because my aunt was a loud character, always generous even though she didn’t have much.  She was a taller version of my mom.  My uncle, he was a gentle soul, always quiet and treated my aunt with great care, especially when she fell ill.  You could almost say he worshipped her.  They had 6 children together.

My mom called me last Friday morning to tell me that my aunt had died in her sleep overnight.  I was sad, but also relieved, because my aunt had suffered for a long time.  Then my mom called me about an hour later and told me that my uncle died as well…wow.  My mom told me that when one of the sons visited him (shortly after my aunt died), my uncle was teary, like he knew, even though they had not told him anything.  My uncle has been in a vegetative state for awhile, so the tears were unusual.  They think because he sensed my aunt had died, his will to live just dissipated.  He passed away while sleeping as well, I think shortly after the son visited.

They were together for over 60 years…..and I believe he wanted to be with his wife that’s why he died so quickly after she went.  I don’t care how sappy or unreal this sounds, but I believe it.  I feel so bad for my cousin, who now lives in Toronto and had just come back from a visit to Hong Kong only a week and a half ago – but at least he was able to see his parents one last time before they both passed away.

This reminds me, again, to never take anything for granted.

WHEN IT RAINS, IT DROWNS

They say that when it rains, it pours, well its drowning right now.  All the people around me are having some kind of crazy problems and I feel helpless.  My only contribution is to listen and help as much as I can.  I realize that sometimes that’s all one can do, but I wish I could do more.

So, one of my friends is having problems with the boyfriend.  We got together after work one day to talk and catch-up.  It was actually nice to talk about something not so serious, not saying being in a relationship isn’t serious business but compared to what’s happening with my other friends this is nothing. 

The gist of it all is that the boyfriend is pulling away from my friend, after being the one trying to push the relationship into a more serious mode.  My friend is conflicted, she feels like they’ve already broken-up, but can’t do the actual breaking-up.  It’s a weird situation and my friend is having a hard time wrapping her head around it.  He doesn’t want to see my friend as much but still wants to see her and take it slower.  This is how I see it - he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too.  Apparently, seeing each other three times a week is too much.  I agree, but that’s just me, I like my independence – I don’t think that’s what he’s thinking – he’s just being a jackass.

I told her what I thought, but I also told her that she has to do what feels right.  I may not agree with what she may do (which I think may be to work it out), but sometimes giving up on a relationship so easily might not be the right thing.  I mean what do I know?  I’m no expert in relationships.  I just go by my gut and if its telling me something I can’t ignore it, irregardless of all the advice I get, I usually go with my gut.  And she should do the same.  What’s right for her may not be right for other people, but it’s her life.

And, being single I have the luxury of telling her to kick the guy to the curb cause I think he’s an ass.  I haven’t invested anytime with this person, but she has and I need to respect that.  Its true that people sometimes give up on relationships too easily without trying to fight for it or work it out.  Sometimes its worth the fight and sometimes its not and no matter what I think, she’ll have to do what is right for her.

UNHARMONIOUS

So, speaking about love and relationships, I’m on a roll now, I had another conversation with a different friend over the weekend about men.  It was like the weekend of relationship talk.

I don’t even know how we got into it because we weren’t even talking about men, but she just blurted out to me that she had tried E-Harmony.  I was really surprised, I looked at her and was like “what?”.  She had tried another dating site before E-Harmony and did not like it at all, that’s why I was so surprised that she tried internet dating again.  And, E-Harmony is not cheap, so I was doubly surprised – because according to my friend, the system is worthless unless you pay for it, so she caved and paid.

I don’t think she knew much about the site before she signed on.  All I know about the site is that it’s expensive, they have mushy commercials and a friend of mine who used it didn’t have much success.  I’ve never done the E-Harmony process myself, guided romance just doesn’t appeal to me. 

Anyways, she was telling me how annoying it was to go through this whole questionnaire process to sign-up and how the matches come to you.  You don’t choose, they choose for you based on your answers to the questionnaire and their patented technology.  And then she was telling me how stupid it was when guys closed the matches.  When they do that it’s basically “see ya later alligator, not interested” and you don’t get matched to them again.  You can appeal, but that seems a bit weird, and desperate, to me.

So, she’s met a couple of guys, but it hasn’t been what she thought (she’s no longer using it).  And, for her it felt strange to go through this whole process just to have contact with them.  Its not immediate, you have to go through this song and dance before you have direct contact.  Instant gratification is not how you would describe E-Harmony. 

The whole process seems weird to me.  Not harmonious if you ask me.  But, I applaud her for taking the plunge to do something proactive.  And, she’s still in contact with at least one guy, so who knows what will happen.  But, she won’t be participating in those mushy commercials for E-Harmony anytime soon.

MY LOVE LIFE

So, this is not an in-depth observation about my love life, cause I won’t ever do that on here.  But, it is a musing about the interest my love life gets from my married friends.

I was yapping with my friend over the weekend and she was telling me how, once again, our friend and her sister were bugging her about her love life, or lack thereof.  I got the same dig when I saw her a few weeks before.  I don’t know what it is with married friends or friends in relationships who keep bugging my single friends and I about our status.  They can’t fathom that we’re happy with the way things are.  My life is not defined by a relationship.  If I found a great guy, then awesome.  But, honestly, I think there’s only been one guy – maybe two - I’ve met in the past year or more who’s piqued my interest and put a smile on my face.  I’m not picky, I just won’t settle.  Would you?

I think the nagging is coming on stronger now because one of the single friends has just started a relationship with a great guy so now the attention is on us (although the poor girl is now getting the third degree about a wedding – will the nagging never end?!!).  I would never think to bother someone about their relationship status.  If they start the conversation, then fine.  Maybe its just me, I’m not someone who probes my friends about their relationships because I think its no ones business but your own how the love life is going.  And, I think it’s rather rude to make someone feel bad that they’re not in a relationship or that they need to be in a relationship for their life to have meaning.  You can be happy and be single.  Its possible.  I’m living proof.

And, thankfully, I don’t have parents who bother me about my love life.  If he’s important enough, they’ll know and they know that.  For now, I’m just enjoying my life and avoiding the busy bodies.