This weekend reminded me how catty women can be. I try, very hard, not to get sucked into the vortex that is the cattiness. The good, bad and ugly of friendship between women. Especially when there is a friend who is getting married and they all think they know better than the bride. I guess the fact that its her day doesn’t seem to matter to them.
The good: my friend is getting married
The bad: planning the wedding
The ugly: all the catty, backstabbing remarks
So, yesterday my friend and I went up to Barrie to meet with her cousin to look at bridesmaid dresses (I am not part of the wedding party thank god). Apparently, last weekend when the bride went up to look for dresses for the whole wedding party, there was a meltdown by the bride. My friend and her cousin thought it was ridiculous that she broke down considering she hasn’t really had to do a lot of planning for the wedding. I was…well, surprised by their lack of sympathy for her.
Fast forward, we go to the only two wedding boutiques in Barrie and they settle on a dress. But, pretty much the whole drive to these two places my friend and her cousin go on and on about how the bride is so narrow-minded, that some of the dresses that were picked the material was crappy, they didn’t know why she insisted on going to a bridal place for the flower girls dresses when she could have just gone to Winners. It was mind-boggling how they just kept bitching about the bride.
Then on the way home my friend continued the bitching. Its a miracle my head didn’t explode. I get that my friend is still having a hard time adjusting to the fact that her closest friend is getting married. I understand, but my patience is wearing thin. I’m not sure that the next time she bitches to me about it I’ll be that receptive towards it. Honestly, my friend is being way too hard on the bride and her opinions on the future husband. I want to shake her and say “get over it and move on!”.
Oy…my head hurts just wrapping my head around this drama. Its too much for me. Simplicity has always been my philosophy. That’s why if I ever consider getting married…my future husband better be okay with eloping.
My nature is to dive into a situation and then just work my way through it. I rarely shy away from a challenge – it keeps me on my toes since I bore easily. Of course there are consequences of this type of rash behaviour. Its always in the back of my mind that I’m going to pay for it, but a majority of the time I just don’t give a shit. I always have the philosophy that things will work itself out.
My friend emailed me about a month ago to ask me if I wanted to go on vacation with her next year, that’s right, next year. Hell, I’m still working on this year. I reluctantly agreed, I actually wanted to say “no” but just didn’t have the heart to (my first mistake), but told her that a resort vacation was out of the question. Lounging by the pool for a week or two is not my idea of a vacation anymore.
If there is one big thing that has changed since I came back from my work in the Dominican is my view on travel and the goals I want to accomplish in the next two years. That trip changed me and gave me some clarity. So, I’m regretting agreeing to this shared vacation. What to do, what to do…
Its not going to kill me to go on vacation with her – my friend is great. Traveling with someone is nice just for the companionship. But, I’ve also come to like traveling by myself. Or at least traveling with someone who is like-minded. I’m very independent, my friend is not. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but what I am saying is that I’ll probably want to do a lot of things on my own and she won’t do her own thing. I could be wrong, but I’ve done enough vacations with her to know how she travels.
I can go anywhere by myself. Its just that simple for me. My friend, on the other hand, doesn’t like traveling on her own. So, its my own fault for not answering honestly in the first place. I will think of a way to make this work. This is an example of how its not good to be impulsive. 😐
Lionsgate Bridge...my dangerous driving picture taking
The weekend went by too quickly. Saturday started off a little later than I figured it would. My friend stayed overnight and didn’t get up till about 11am. We had enough time to make it to the spa, with picking up my other friend along the way, but we had to hustle it. I was up before 9am and should have woken my friend earlier, but figured she needed her sleep.
So, the spa was a bit disappointing. I had a good hand massage (cause I told the girl I love hand massages), but the manicure itself wasn’t that great – and she forgot to do the hand masque. I have had better manicures for half the price. Anyways, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that my friend, with the post-partum problems, really enjoyed her massage. And, I was able to make her laugh too. She’s slowly, very slowly, realizing that she needs to let go of her guilt when she does things for herself. She’s also realizing that if she doesn’t take care of herself, then she’s not going to be any good for her family. Hopefully she’ll let go of some of her need to be perfect.
Sometimes I feel inadequate to help my friend. I can’t relate because I’ve never gone through what she’s going through. All I can do is just listen and once in awhile make her laugh with my witty humour (ok, I’d like to think it’s witty..lol). We talked about doing some stuff together to get her out of the house and I’ve been meaning to go to yoga with her, but haven’t had the time. And, now I’ve agreed to go to meditation with her, which I will definitely make the time to do. I know that spending time with her is helping her gain a bit of her independence and realizing how good it is to do things for yourself. And, it eases her anxiety when one of us is with her. Finding your way back to “normal” is tough, and especially tough when your thinking has always been take care of others before yourself.
It really does do a body and mind good when you take the time to nourish your soul and self.
Steveston Dyke Trail
Scattered musings of a tired mind:
So, I’ve been at the new job for 2 weeks now. I can’t believe I’ve been back from Vancouver for almost two weeks. Anyways, the job is good, the company is actually really great, which was a pleasant surprise. But, its still just a job, not a career. I got to say its been an adjustment losing all that free time. And then the stupid clocks went forward an hour this week, totally whacking me out. They say women have the worse time adjusting to the time change. I hate that they say that, but its been true for me.
Then to top it off, I’m fighting a cold which has left me with an annoying cough. Oh, woe is me….just kidding. There are worse things in life, I know. And, so, I’m totally looking forward to the weekend. My friend and I are taking our friend, the one with post-partum depression, to a spa for the day. Our early, early birthday present to her. We’re going to a spa about an hour northeast of Toronto. I’m looking forward to it, feel like some pampering is in order. I’m only getting a manicure, cause everything else at this spa is incredibly pricey, but it’ll be good, I’ve always like getting my hands massaged. I don’t care about the actual manicure, just the massage!
Recently, I’ve been trying to get focused on my goals. When I was off work I started compiling these lists of things I liked doing (to figure out what I was good at), and then lately I started to put together a list of things I want to do in the next 2 years. And, being the crazyass, unpredictable person I can be, I realized that I needed to organize all my thoughts of all the things I wanted to do to get me focused. I have a tendency to be a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants person, which works for me, but I’m also realizing that I’m giving myself not a lot of time to accomplish what I want to – so I must focus. Anyways, I’m trying to tick off a few of them for this year – learn Mandarin, try Hot Yoga, keep up with my Spanish, Treetop Trek are some things on the list. Of course I have a travel list of places I want to see and I definitely plan on ticking off one this year.
First though….need to get rid of this damn, freakin cold. I’m going to bed now.
My cousin immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong about 10 – 12 years ago. Him and his wife were police officers in Hong Kong. I saw them last week and I was left with a feeling that I wasn’t “Chinese” enough – for them at least, I think I’m doing alright. “Juk Sing”, that’s what they call me – born and raised in the Western world. My cousin has these preconceived stereotypes about people such as myself, and when I say “people such as myself” I mean me being a “Juk Sing”. My cousin is a great guy, but just a little too traditional and discriminating for me. Here is just a few of the things him and his wife thought:
- He was surprised to learn that I understood and could speak Cantonese as well as I did (I’m no expert, but I can hold my own, I just need to conquer Mandarin!)
- He didn’t think I liked eating Chinese food….um, I freakin live on the stuff. I love Asian food, not just Chinese.
- Him and his wife didn’t quite understand how I could live on my own, away from my parents.
- His wife thought I should go home for dinner every night (in Hong Kong, family members gather for dinner every night – even if you don’t live together, you eat together)
- His wife was then surprised to learn that I cooked, she thought I just did take-out. And, even more surprise to learn that I enjoy cooking and I cook rice too. My cousin instantly thought I cooked pasta cause you know that’s what Juk Sing’s like…right.
I could go on and on with the list, but it was very entertaining to me these stereotypes they had. Based on what, I wasn’t exactly sure. I’m not your typical Canadian born Chinese person. I live on rice, I eat all sorts of Asian food, and actually, I’m not a huge fan of Western food, I like it, but if there was a bowl of rice, pho, Malaysian curry or chow fun in front of me, I’d pick those any day over a burger, fries and spaghetti with meatballs.
When people stereotype, it irritates me. But, I can forgive my cousin, because he grew-up in a totally different environment than me. Seriously though, me not eat rice? Its like me not breathing……I’d die.