Category Archives: Funny

LAUGH FOR THE DAY

I was checking my Blackberry at the mall as both of my parents were in the washroom.  My dad comes out and he starts marveling at my new gadget.  Then my mom comes out and she notices it too.  I’ve had this thing for over two months now and they are just now noticing it…funny.

But, my laugh for the day came in the form of my mother asking me about the Blackberry:

Mom: Is that your new phone?
Me: Yeah
Mom: How long have you had it?
Me: Two months
Mom: Was it expensive?
Me: Yeah, it was.
(note most of the conversation is in Cantonese except for below where its mixed)
Mom: Is it a Blueberry?
Me: (laughing my ass off) Blueberry???!!!! You mean “Blackberry”?
Mom: (laughs) Oh…B l a c k b e r r y  (said with a Chinese accent)

Blueberry..that’s a first.  I may just have to call it that from now on instead of a crackberry.  Too funny.  God bless my Mom, I needed that chuckle.

RANDOM VANCOUVER PICS

I was walking down Nelson street in Vancouver and almost created a human pile-up cause I stopped so suddenly.  I thought my eyes were deceiving me, but no, here’s your proof (taken on my new crackberry storm – I’m weak, so sue me – it was handy while I was out of town):

toilet

Now, I’m not sure if I’d use this toilet, although it was tempting just to see the inside of it (I know, a toilet is a toilet, but outside in an urban downtown area?).  It was quite the sight.  I don’t think it was there before, but then again, I never walked downtown as much as I did this trip.  In any case, it gave me a good chuckle.

Then I went down Granville street and couldn’t resist taking a pic of it as well, because I know the next time I’m in town it won’t be the same.  I wanted to capture it’s essence before they try to clean this area for the 2010 Olympics.

granvillestreet

Its a grungy part of the downtown core, but I love its character.  Anyways, these random pics of Vancouver shows you a bit of its character.  And below shows you how proud the city is of hosting the 2010 Olympics, they have a countdown clock at the VAG!  Note that at the time I was there the Olympics were: 351 days, 3 hours, 15 minutes and 28 seconds away.

2010countdown1

GASSY FRIEND

This is what happens when you have a gassy friend:

I was at the jewellery counter at Target (spontaneous Buffalo trip this weekend) and as I was staring at this necklace, my friend, who was leaning against the counter a few feet away, suddenly let one rip…not once, not twice, that’s right, three times in succession.  Startled, I stopped looking at the necklace, quickly processed what just happened thinking “no way, she did not just fart while there’s another women a few feet from me!”. 

I slowly turned to her with this look of “what the hell, are you !$%^(&**# serious, you just farted in public, have you no shame?!!!”.  She looked totally nonchalant, like nothing happened, but then caught my look and knew she was busted.  It was when she looked at me I knew that if I didn’t walk away we’d be rolling on the floor laughing our asses off.  Thinking quickly, I looked over at the women beside me, noticed she was oblivious to what just happened and I started casually walking away.  My friend took my lead and went to the clothing section trying not to lose it.  I was by the cosmetics stifling my urge to laugh.  The women who was beside me walked by me and looked at me strangely (my stifling resulted in splutters of choked laughter).  When the coast was clear, I went over to my friend and we started laughing hysterically for minutes.  The type where you can’t breath, you start to cry and your stomach hurts.  People were looking at us like we’d gone insane.

So, my friend was laughing cause of the look on my face – apparently it was priceless (she didn’t realize there was a women beside me, therefore the farting – like that makes it any better), I was laughing cause, well, it was hilarious (I mean she looked so damn calm for a women who just farted in public!!).  She thought it was quiet enough that I wouldn’t notice therefore the calm demeanor (so as not to draw attention to herself…right).  Well, it wasn’t quiet (unless they’re the silent and deadly type, farts are rarely ever quiet) and the fact that she thought she could get away with it made me laugh harder.  She’s lucky there was a women beside me because I would have called her out big time – I saved her from public embarrassment.

Such unladylike behaviour.  But, she’s not known to hold in her gassy stomach.  She farted in a book store awhile back, thinking no one heard (why she would think in a quiet bookstore no one would hear her fart is beyond my comprehension) and my other friend, a couple aisles away, yelled out to her “don’t think I didn’t hear that” as a girl walked into the aisle my gassy friend was in.  You’d think she learn, eh?  I guess once a public farter, always a public farter.  😀

BRIDEZILLA

bridezilla2One of my close friends is getting married this year.  I’m really happy for her. 

So, on the weekend, the future bride, my friend and I went up to Barrie to visit our friends.  We were gathered in the living room of my friend’s cousin’s place and we started to talk about the wedding.  There was five of us, and one of our Barrie friends was giving the gears to my friend about her wedding.  My friend has very specific ideas of how she wants her wedding.  And, so she should, its her wedding, she can run around buck naked, karaoke her heart out all night or whatever she wants, its her day and she’ll have it the way she wants, you know?  I don’t have any right to tell her how her wedding should be and neither does anyone else to be honest.

Well, the future bride was getting annoyed by our friends insistence that she do things a certain way for her wedding.  The tone was “you have to!!!!”.  Then my friends cousin got into it, telling the future bride that she should have a tiara of some sort as her head piece.  It was getting rather dicey and I remained quiet for most of it, but when I saw how annoyed my friend was becoming, I came to her defense, as did my other friend, and we both told the two crazy women to take it down a notch. 

And, this is why if I ever get married I’m eloping, having it at city hall or having it at an exotic location where it’ll be a super small wedding party.  I mean, its annoying enough when you’re told what to do in general, but to be told how to conduct your wedding?  Beyond annoying.  I saw what my own brother went through to get married, no thanks.  The less drama, the better.

My poor friend, if she isn’t a bridezilla now, she’ll turn into one just to shut these people up.

CLUBBING

I remember the other reason I stopped clubbing – the sleazy guys.  Ahhhh…it all comes back after one night of clubbing.  Oh, and I can proudly say I didn’t fall asleep.

The party wasn’t what I was thought it would be, it was fun, but not what I imagined.  The night reminded me of why I like quiet nights, versus the pounding sound of music and many, many bodies dancing to it.  My claustrophobia kicked in big time.  

As for the sleazy guys, I could recall a few things that happened, but I’m not going to – they’re just worth a good chuckle now.  They weren’t all sleazy, but its the ones that are that make it bad for the good ones. 

I went to the club with my sister-in-law sister’s best friend W.  I dropped off my car at her house and met her younger brother who drove us to the club.  Watching these two was quite entertaining.  Her brother was a metrosexual type of guy.  He must have changed his shirt four or five times while I was waiting to leave, asking his sister and I what we thought.  He came down with one shirt and it was kinda short and he said “is this short, what do you think, is it short” while pulling at it.  W was hemming and hawing about it and then he looked over at me and I said “well, you keep pulling at it and if you’re doing that its too short for you” and that’s all I said and he went back upstairs to change again.  W was amused by my honesty, but I told her that if he was already fidgeting with it, then he’d be doing it all night and would be uncomfortable.

Human relationships always interest me.  I like seeing how people interact.  The club was a great example of that.  The dancing was great to watch, some not so good but funny and some really good.  All the grinding and dry humping, though, was a bit over the top but hilarious to watch. 

Remind me to never dry hump a boyfriend in public.  😉

OVER MY HEAD?

My sister-in-law’s youngest sister is turning 30 this weekend.  I told her sister, impulsively, that I wanted to go to her party.  After I did that, my sister-in-law said to me “do you know what you’re getting into?”.  Hm…um…no.

So, that’s what I do, I often just plunge into things quite impulsively.  Not all the time, but a majority of the time.  Now, having said that, after I decided to party with her, my sister-in-law told me how she parties.  It involves sex, drugs and rock n’roll.  I laughed, she told me she wasn’t kidding – it was going to be hard core partying.  So, I told her I could do the rock n’roll, but no sex and drugs and I’d be fine.  She laughed and just looked at me sadly with that “oh, you’re so in for it”.

And now, with the party approaching, I’m getting a bit nervous.  Why?  Not because I’m afraid of what’s going to happen during the party, nah, that doesn’t bother me.  I’m nervous that I won’t be able to stay awake during the whole party!  The reason I stopped clubbing was because I fell asleep at a club once back in my mid-twenties and that was the day I stopped.  But, I plan on taking a nap, cause the party doesn’t start until 10:30pm.  It’s a late party, but with a nap I should be ready for anything…right.

It’s going to be an interesting, and I’m sure, fun night.  I haven’t been in a club in a long time.  I prefer quieter nights than the pounding sound of a club, and the deafness that follows afterwards, but in the spirit of her 30th birthday I will endear it.  Funny thing is the last time I was at a club was when I was with her in Vancouver.  I went with her and her older sister to this place at the Plaza of Nations and I remember thinking to myself “shit, I’m way too old for this”.

I may be too old for clubbing, but I refuse to fall asleep and embarrass myself again.  😀

LITTLE ADMIRER

On the weekend my parents, sister-in-law and I took my nephews to a Christmas party at the community centre nearby my place.  For a $1 entrance fee there were about 10 different stations/areas of activities for the kids.  They also handed out coffee, popcorn and candy for free.  And when you redeemed your ticket you got a can of pop and cookies.  My nephews decorated gingerbread cookies, made Christmas ornaments and got fake tattoos.  A great deal for only a buck. 

We all ended up in the gym area of the rec centre.  There were 3 huge inflated playgrounds inside.  Then scattered around the parameter of the gym were various games.  There was a stage in the centre where these two volunteers danced up a storm for the kids, who followed along.  It was really cute, especially when my oldest nephew, almost 5 years old, tried to mack on some older girl who was dancing.  I almost peed in my pants laughing so hard cause it was so funny.  Seriously.

There was this little boy, probably about 2 years old standing nearby me as I was sitting on a bench watching the dancing.  I wasn’t paying much attention to him, but he was pretty cute.  Suddenly, I felt this little hand on my knee.  I look over and there he was, little guy decided to rest his hand on me, while leaning himself against me, oblivious to the fact that I’m a complete stranger.  His mom looked over at me and we smiled and chuckled.  He did this for about a good 5 minutes, with my dad taking a photo of it cause it was so cute.  When he finally realized he was leaning against a stranger, he smiled shyly at me and moved away.  Then, for a good 10 – 15 minutes he stood in front of me fixated.  He kept smiling shyly, staring at me, while waving chocolate animal crackers at me.  At one point his mom said to me “he really, really likes you” and we laughed.

cuteboy1

Little guy copping a feel of my leg

Little guy (in red circle)

Little guy (circled in red) in front of me giving me the eyes..lol (you can't tell, but he is, I swear!)

I know, I have this effect on younger men, they see me and want me…lol..yeah, right.  It was certainly a cute moment in the middle of all this craziness in the gym.  😉