Category Archives: Relationships

QUEEN STREET

Queen Street, Toronto

Queen Street, Toronto

I met-up with my friend on Friday night.  She’s the one that met her boyfriend on E-Harmony.  I’ve been joking with her that she should do a commercial for them.  She’s not agreeable to the idea.

We caught-up with each other about everything – we hadn’t seen each other in awhile.  Then she started to tell me about the boyfriend.  She was telling me how she insisted they spend Valentine’s day together, even though he told her he really wanted to visit his parents he hadn’t seen in awhile.  She asked me if she was being too demanding insisting they spend the day together (thereby cutting into his time with his family), and I didn’t want to say she was, but I had to be honest so I told her the truth.  I understood both of their points of view though – he felt that romance shouldn’t be just about one day and she wanted to be together for their first Valentine’s.  Honestly, if the guy is romantic and caring all year round, I don’t need a special day for him to prove that to me and he shouldn’t need that from me either.  I’ve experienced the Valentines day where you get a dozen red roses and all that, and its really nice, but I believe its the little things that a guy does all year around that matters to me most.

Anyways, I spent the day downtown on Friday.  I figured it would be nice to walk along Queen street.  I haven’t been in the area since the end of summer.  I started my walk from the Eaton Centre, where I had parked my car, and walked all the way to Spadina and back.  Between University and Spadina is where all the stores and restaurants are.  I was surprised to notice that many of the retail stores had closed down since the summer.  It really is a reflection on how the economy is in Canada.  Its not as bad as the U.S. but we’re affected.  This stretch of Queen street has always been vibrant and scattered with great specialty shops and big name shops where you could get things that no one else sold in Toronto.  Its too bad that the area looks so sparse now.  Its not terrible, but its not the same.

I had a good walk, about 4 hours in total for the day.  It was good to get fresh air, and just enjoy the day out.  I’m going to miss having this free time when I get back to the work routine.

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FRIENDSHIP CHANGES

When a friendship changes dramatically, its hard.  Especially if you’ve depended on this person alot.

When I was 11 or 12, my best friend and I were super close, we called each other everyday.  This continued until about university.  Our friendship started to crumble and a few years after university and many attempts to keep the friendship going, we decided to just end it.  It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but the best thing at the time, too much had happened.  We stopped talking for over 5 years.  I’m happy to report, though, that we are friends again, not as close (it will never be the same), but at least we’re in each others lives.

So, my friend was unloading on me last night.  She’s having a hard time adjusting to my friends new relationship status.  Our friend has been dating this guy for 5 months and they got engaged after only 4 months.  So, all the friends haven’t even had time to get to know this guy.  I only met him for the first time this weekend!  Everything about this guy is the opposite of what I thought my friend would end up with, but I’m happy for her nonetheless cause what’s important is that this guy treats her well and she’s happy.

My friend sees it the same way but its been a huge change for her.  They did everything together (some people actually thought they were “together” if you know what I mean) and depended on each other heavily and now she has to share her.  So, she’s trying her hardest to get to know this guy and to adjust to the change in their friendship.  I feel for her because she’s never been very independent so this is a big adjustment for her.

For me, I learned from my past.  I value my friendships, but I try not to depend on my friends.  That’s not to say I can’t depend on my friends, I know that they’ll be there for me when I really need them.  But, being independent is important to me.  I’ve learned to do a lot on my own and that has made me stronger in the process.

My friend has learned a hard lesson.  She realizes that she needs to be more independent, give the new guy more of a chance and accept the fact that change happens, even if its a pain in the ass.  😐

GIRLS WEEKEND

One of my closest friends birthday was on Monday.  She wanted to go shopping in Buffalo for the weekend for her birthday.  It wasn’t very imaginative, but it was her birthday so no complaints from me.  I just go with the flow….most of the time.

We left on Sunday, so I had to take Monday off from work.  We decided to do an overnight thing so that we could leave early on Monday, which worked perfectly cause I was home by dinner time.  Anyways, as usual, I’m shopped out.  Birthday girl is famous for her endless amounts of shopping and spending.  And, what’s funny is that we just went to Buffalo 2 months ago and she was still able to spend over $200 at Target.  I don’t know how she does it.  The only shopping I want to do after this weekend is grocery shopping.

It was good bonding time though.  I got caught-up with my friend whom I haven’t seen in awhile and birthday girl confessed to me her new crush.  We were having the best burgers at Fuddruckers (seriously, the best) and she says to me “I like that guy from the Montreal office”.  This is the guy that she tried to set-up her ex-assistant with but it didn’t work out.  Oh, the tangled web we weave.

I wasn’t surprised by her confession, I suspected that she would end up liking him, which is one of the reasons why I thought her set-up was a bad idea.  And she had told me about this situation that happened between them awhile back, which made me think he was interested in her (which he is), and her in him, but she denied it, as one does when they can’t admit their own feelings.  Anyways, distance is still a problem with this guy and he’s already pointed out her negative attributes, he’s starting off well, isn’t he? 

What do I think?  It doesn’t matter, because I’m just glad my friend is engaged in something other than shopping, stressing out about her family life, money and the next great lip balm she wants.  She’s already negative about the whole situation, so I’m not going to add to it, because its nice to see her excited (yet negative, I know, its crazy) about something other than the usual.  I think its good to take some risks because you never know what will happen.

MY LOVE LIFE

So, this is not an in-depth observation about my love life, cause I won’t ever do that on here.  But, it is a musing about the interest my love life gets from my married friends.

I was yapping with my friend over the weekend and she was telling me how, once again, our friend and her sister were bugging her about her love life, or lack thereof.  I got the same dig when I saw her a few weeks before.  I don’t know what it is with married friends or friends in relationships who keep bugging my single friends and I about our status.  They can’t fathom that we’re happy with the way things are.  My life is not defined by a relationship.  If I found a great guy, then awesome.  But, honestly, I think there’s only been one guy – maybe two – I’ve met in the past year or more who’s piqued my interest and put a smile on my face.  I’m not picky, I just won’t settle.  Would you?

I think the nagging is coming on stronger now because one of the single friends has just started a relationship with a great guy so now the attention is on us (although the poor girl is now getting the third degree about a wedding – will the nagging never end?!!).  I would never think to bother someone about their relationship status.  If they start the conversation, then fine.  Maybe its just me, I’m not someone who probes my friends about their relationships because I think its no ones business but your own how the love life is going.  And, I think it’s rather rude to make someone feel bad that they’re not in a relationship or that they need to be in a relationship for their life to have meaning.  You can be happy and be single.  Its possible.  I’m living proof.

And, thankfully, I don’t have parents who bother me about my love life.  If he’s important enough, they’ll know and they know that.  For now, I’m just enjoying my life and avoiding the busy bodies.  😉

DATING

I had a fun last night.  I went out with two girls from work.  In the span of 1 month I’ve made some new friends.  Well, one of the girls no longer works there, she quit a week after I started, but its nice that we’re keeping in touch.

We went to St. Louis’ Bar at Yonge and Finch for wings, and they are pretty good I gotta say and I’m a picky wing eater.  Anyways, we were yapping and gossiping about everyone at work, as one does when you’re with other co-workers.  Suddenly, the girl who no longer works there says “I need to find a man”.  Me and the other girl burst out laughing.  I looked at her and go “okay, let’s start with what you’re looking for”.  So, she stated what she wanted and how hard it is to find men. 

Then she revealed to us that she had joined this dating site.  I commended her for taking the steps to get proactive about her love life.  If there is one thing I can’t stand is someone bitching about the state of their love life but doing absolutely nothing about it.  Drives me insane.  I mean come on, you are not going to meet anyone by doing absolutely nothing.  The perfect mate is not going to fall into your lap from the sky. 

So, me and this other girl discussed her options with the men we knew, but it wasn’t very prosperous.  It was actually quite sad.  The men I knew were too short for her (she’s very tall) and the men the other girl knew were too young.  We started suggesting different ways to meet people, other than the dating site, that she can try.  She said she would think about it.  And then we decided that we would have a girls night out.  I cracked them up by saying “oh my, I’m gonna have to have a nap before we go out and it can’t be on a work night!”.  Yeah, I’m not the firecracker I was in my twenties.  😀

The dating world is tough.  I totally get it.  What I don’t get is how this girl can still be single, she’s beautiful, ambitious, intelligent and kind and yet no one’s snatched her up.  Makes me wonder.

RELATIONSHIPS

My friend and I have been having these discussions about this mutual friend (more acquaintance to me) of ours who’s going through this hellish break-up with an ass she’s been dating for 7 years.  We’re discussing it because my friend is this mutual friend’s boss at work.  Yeah, not a good mix, hiring your friend, even if it’s not a good friend, to work with you.  It’s certainly biting her in the ass now and she regrets hiring her, especially with this drama happening now.

They went on a business trip this past week and they were trying to set her (mutual friend) up with a guy who works in the Montreal office.  Apparently, she became quite smitten with him.  When my friend and I were talking about it I asked her what his reaction was.  She told me that he basically thought she was a nice girl, was everything that was advertised about her, but he was keeping his options open.  He wasn’t keen about the distance – right, like that ever stopped a relationship from happening.  Really, what he was trying to say but didn’t was that he just wasn’t into her.

My friend thought there might be some potential.  I think she’s being a bit naive.  So, I told her honestly, there wasn’t any potential.  If he was into her, distance wouldn’t matter and he wouldn’t be keeping his options open.  Our mutual friend will have to move on and I think my friend needs to let her know that.  Or at least steer her in that direction, because it was her and this other women’s idea to set them up, so they need to bring her back to reality.  It seems harsh, but I think its worse to give her hope.

This mutual friend has already gone through relationship hell, which quite honestly is 50% her fault, but having stated that, I don’t think she should be pining away for a guy who’s not into her.  My friend needs to do the right thing and tell her to move on.   

Relationships are already complicated, if you knew the other person wasn’t into your friend, let them know, because in the end it’s better to let your friend know right off from the start so that a) you’re not tortured everyday at work with their pining and b) it’s the right thing to do.