I’ve been blogging for a long time. I was thinking about this last week. I started blogging on Xanga back in 2001. I don’t remember how I found the site. But, I do remember why I started blogging. Blogging has always been a great outlet for me to express how I feel. Lately though, its been harder for me to blog because everything I’m going through right now is too personal to blog about in such a public forum.
I’ve met some very interesting and nice people from blogging. Some I keep in contact with, some I’ve lost touch with and some I will probably never speak to again. I got to thinking about all this because I still log into my Xanga account periodically to see if the people I use to read on a daily basis still write. One or two of them still do but the majority of them have stopped blogging. But, the last time I logged in I got a message from one of my favourite reads from back then. He started a new blog and wanted to let me know his new website address.
I was glad to know he was still blogging, as he had stopped for awhile, because I always enjoyed reading his old blog. He has this great writing style and no spelling mistakes, my biggest pet peeve. When I met up with him a few years ago when I was still living in Vancouver and he was living in Seattle, I could understand why I liked his blog. He was warm (he gave me a big hug when we met!), very intelligent, funny guy with a serious streak who was really thoughtful. I think that’s why I liked his blogging, his personality was brought out in his writing style. A lot of people don’t write the way they talk or convey their true selves in their blogging, but he was not one of them.
Anyways, his current blog is the same way. Warm, funny and interspersed with video’s and great music picks. I don’t read a lot of blogs, because who has the time, but his will be one that I try to read as regularly as I can.
The first diary/journal I kept was when I was 8. It had a lock on it, cause I didn’t want my brother getting into it. I can’t remember a time I didn’t write down my thoughts and feelings, whether pen to paper or electronically, I’ve always recorded my thoughts when I needed to. It helps me sort out how to work out situations or just to work through my emotions which I often times have a hard time expressing. I’m better now at expressing myself emotionally, but its still a work-in-progress.
So, I’ve been thinking about the different things I’d like to do now that I have the time to actually do them, be productive. Someone told me to plot out all the things I enjoy doing and it’ll reveal itself to me. I visualized it, almost like meditating (but not) and I figured out that I really like being creative, hence the writing. Its the right side of my brain taking over – my left handed tendencies haven’t completely vanished (my mom forced me to be right handed – so actually I use both sides of my brain – or at least I’d like to think so!). I don’t think I could make a career out of writing, and I don’t want to, but I could turn this passion into something part-time. I’d like to enroll myself in a course for creative writing, but because of my low tolerance for a controlled environment, I’m looking at alternatives to help me with my writing process.
Writing has always been a fun thing for me, a personal thing for me. And, if I could do something constructive with it that would be great. I’m in a state of flux right now, but I’m figuring it out. Its not always fun, but its been revealing.
There are doers and then there are talkers. I’m in the middle of this sphere. I prefer to be a doer, but that often involves taking a leap of faith. I’ve taken a few leaps of faith in my lifetime, resulting in life changing events and without them I wouldn’t be what I am today. Lately, those leaps have been far and few between.
So, where is all this reflection coming from? Well, I was reading this blog I like last night and it got me thinking. The author is a journalist/film & tv industry person and she’s pretty much done what I’d love to do (and will eventually do), just wandered the world doing what they love. I envy people who can just pick-up and go without worrying where the next pay cheque is coming from. She’s a great example of someone who does what she wants and lives life the way she wants. She enjoys herself and there’s not a lot of people I know who allow themselves that luxury.
Me? I’m not quite there yet, I’m working towards it, but I’m still chained by my job, my bills and my mortgage. If I did what this women did, my parents would both have heart attacks. Although I’ve done a few crazy things in my life time, I haven’t been the rebel in awhile. Perhaps that is where all my restlessness lies. Too much thinking, not enough doing. Its true what they say, your life is yours to live so go and live it.
I have a love/hate relationship with Toronto. I left the tdot back in late 1996 only to return in 2003. It was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve made returning back to Toronto. It was much easier to leave than to come back. This is by no way an insult to Toronto, but leaving Toronto was made with the intention of not coming back, so deciding to come back was tough.
I love the buzz of Toronto, but its also what I hate about it. Living 6 years in the west coast has made me appreciate the serenity of things and to take a moment to breath and live life. Everything is at a much slower pace there and I learned to embrace it.
What else do I love about Toronto? The beaches, St. Lawrence Market, Distillery District, Eaton Centre (it was my life back in the university days – oh the memories!), Harbourfront, Toronto Zoo, Art Gallery of Ontario, Centre Island, Old Chinatown (not as it is now, but back in the day). The great restaurants and the different ethnicity’s represented here.
My hate for the city is what its become, too big for its britches. And just the sheer craziness of the streets now. I feel like it’s a task to do simple things like driving downtown. Before I left Toronto it was never an issue, didn’t have to worry about traffic and now? There is always traffic on the dvp. How it’s changed. And the climate, so much more pollution than before. Personally, well, my life has completely changed since coming back. I feel almost like an outsider, better now than when I first returned, but the feeling remains.
Anyways, I’m not really whining or griping about anything in particular, but I was just thinking about what the next few years will bring for me. It reminds me that I have a lot of things to accomplish in order to reach a few goals I’ve set for myself.
Posted in Friends, Life, Personal, Random
Tagged Blogging, Friends, Home, Life, Love, Personal, Random, Thoughts, Toronto, Travel
A picture of peacefulness….
I should be packing, but I’m writing instead. I’m actually procrastinating. I have a lot on my mind and can’t focus on packing right now, therefore I’m writing instead. Plus, I’m waiting for the nail polish to dry on my cute little toes….ok, cute to me anyways. Packing is probably my worse thing to do. I hate it when I have to pack for a trip. I never know how much to bring. Or what to bring, or why I’m bringing it
Now that I’m going to be traveling more, with musings from my boss that some of it will be international now…yikes…I’m really going to have to divert back to how I use to pack. Just bring what I need and don’t get crazy.
Anyways, enough about business travel, I’m talking personal travel. So, yeah, have no freakin idea how much to bring and the polish is almost dry. Almost, not yet so I’ll keep blogging randomly. I’m feeling a little loopy. I always do when I have to pack because it just drives me batty thinking about what I might have forgotten to bring with me.
On a different note I had a very nice dinner with my dad. My mom’s been out of the country, so dad’s been by himself, so I’ve been trying to have dinner with him at least once a week on top of our trip to see my nephews. It was fun talking with my dad, he tends to reveal more when my mom’s not around dominating the conversation. He confirmed to me my worse fears, kidding, that my youngest nephew is indeed a replica of me as a child. He also told me some interesting things that I never knew, apparently I have been to Hawaii, Korea and Taiwan, of course it doesn’t really count cause I can’t remember it, but it was fun to learn what a little traveler I was as a child. It wasn’t as fun, although funny, to learn what a little princess I was as a child.
Its nice to bond with my dad. I love my mom, but my dad and I have a more relaxed relationship. Anyways, enough procrastinating, I must pack plus my cute litte toes are dry now. 😀
I’m enjoying my first week so far in my new job. I know I’ve been blogging about it quite a bit, can’t help it, its nice to be somewhere where I actually matter. I think I’m really realizing how poorly utilized I was in my previous job.
I was having lunch with someone today at work and I just started going on about how boring my last job was. I probably should not have been so blunt and honest, but it really dawned on me how under stimulated I’ve been. I was telling my lunch companion how much my brain was hurting because of the huge learning curve I’m going through – my brain is being stimulated (!!). I can’t wait to really start going at it. I know there will not be a quiet period in this job and that’s great to know.
My boss’ boss came up to me today to see how I was doing. He made a point of making sure I had everything I needed and even asked me if it was ok that my chair squeaked. My chair is rather old, probably terrible for my back and it squeaks – which concerned my boss, who apparently told her boss. But, I told him that unless it actually breaks on me or slants to a side, I’m ok with it. I’m not fussy about my office furniture, although I have to say I don’t have much office desk space, but you make do with what you have. I thought it was really nice of him to make a point to come up to me and see how I was doing and making sure I had what I needed and telling me to let him know if there was anything that needed to be changed. Refreshing…
Anyways, I’m sure I’ll find out all the politics that are in the office, but for now I’m totally oblivious to it. And, will likely try to remain that way. I try not to involve myself in office politics, I just do my job and try to get along with everyone. My job is not my life, it just pays the bills and allows me to enjoy life.