This dessert was one of my favourite parts of my visit to the CNE…almost a month ago!!! Where did September go? Its been a crazy month, I’ve been sick for the last of it. And, not just with a cold. I had another bout with food poisoning, or maybe it was the stomach flu, on Friday. It was not pretty and I will not go into descriptive detail, to spare you all, but it was rough.
The terrible thing about being so ill on Friday is that my friend had planned a belated surprise for my birthday that night. I had an idea of what it was, a spa treatment, but wasn’t sure exactly what. Anyways, I left work pretty much a hour after I went in (half of that hour was spent in the bathroom), there was no way I could have made it through the day, and slept when I got home. I wasn’t sure I would be able to make it to my friend’s surprise and I felt so bad because I knew she would be dinged for the appointment. Thankfully, I felt better by the late afternoon and decided to go. I was feeling pretty frail, I had not eaten all day, and didn’t realize how frail I looked until my friend pointed out how pale I was when she saw me. She had never seen me like that before and I had never seen myself like that either. But, I guess when you’ve emptied your stomach numerous times, it shows. After a lovely facial though, I got my colour back.
Anyways, September was not as productive as I wanted it to be. I’m not behind, but I’m not as ahead as I’d like to be in the goals I’ve set. I have to repair this leak in my master bathroom. Its been leaking for a while (I hate to confess how long cause then you’ll all know how lazy I am) from the suite above me (thankfully into my bathtub), but I just haven’t put in a maintenance request to get it fixed. If I want to sell my place, I need to get it fixed. Moving is a pain in the ass, but now that I’m finally that much closer to what I really want to do, it’s worth all the inconvenience.
If l learned from anything that’s happened this year, doing and thinking are two very different things and I’d rather be inconvenienced and doing something than just thinking about it.
The weather was fabulous over the weekend. My friend and I took advantage of this great weather and decided to go on a short hike followed by shaded downtime in the park with a book. The ducks, as you see above, decided to join us as well.
Fresh air and a good walk always calms the nerves. I’ve been trying to get my friend to do things for herself, activities that will relax her since she’s been so stressed out by all the crap going on right now in her family. I’ve been really worried about her because she’s already had one meltdown in front of me and I certainly don’t want a repeat. So, I’ve been advocating that she absolutely needs to take time out for herself. I’m a firm believer that if you don’t take care of yourself then you’re no good to the people around you.
I’m guilty of it myself, taking on too much without thought to myself and how it’ll impact me. Its been a long process, but I’m learning to say “no” and not feeling guilty about it. There’s responsibility and then there’s living your life – blending the two are difficult, but finding the balance to them is important. You do what you can do, but don’t kill yourself in the process. I’m finding that balance, its hard to maintain, but I try my best and I know my friend will get there eventually.
Lionsgate Bridge...my dangerous driving picture taking
The weekend went by too quickly. Saturday started off a little later than I figured it would. My friend stayed overnight and didn’t get up till about 11am. We had enough time to make it to the spa, with picking up my other friend along the way, but we had to hustle it. I was up before 9am and should have woken my friend earlier, but figured she needed her sleep.
So, the spa was a bit disappointing. I had a good hand massage (cause I told the girl I love hand massages), but the manicure itself wasn’t that great – and she forgot to do the hand masque. I have had better manicures for half the price. Anyways, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that my friend, with the post-partum problems, really enjoyed her massage. And, I was able to make her laugh too. She’s slowly, very slowly, realizing that she needs to let go of her guilt when she does things for herself. She’s also realizing that if she doesn’t take care of herself, then she’s not going to be any good for her family. Hopefully she’ll let go of some of her need to be perfect.
Sometimes I feel inadequate to help my friend. I can’t relate because I’ve never gone through what she’s going through. All I can do is just listen and once in awhile make her laugh with my witty humour (ok, I’d like to think it’s witty..lol). We talked about doing some stuff together to get her out of the house and I’ve been meaning to go to yoga with her, but haven’t had the time. And, now I’ve agreed to go to meditation with her, which I will definitely make the time to do. I know that spending time with her is helping her gain a bit of her independence and realizing how good it is to do things for yourself. And, it eases her anxiety when one of us is with her. Finding your way back to “normal” is tough, and especially tough when your thinking has always been take care of others before yourself.
It really does do a body and mind good when you take the time to nourish your soul and self.
My friend and I have been going to our friend’s place regularly for the past 2 weeks. We’re going over again on Friday. She’s the friend that is having a terrible time right now. It’s been nice to spend time with the kids and my godchild, whom I have eternal guilt about because of my lack of seeing him on a regular basis. But, I’m making up for it now and its been nice.
So, my friend is still having a hard time but she’s working on it – trying to get better. The doctor’s have not been able to determine the exact cause of everything, only that they think it might be a postpartum thyroid problem. Along with this she’s feeling extremely anxious, having panic attacks and unable to sleep at night. She is the calmest person you’ll ever meet, so what’s going on with her right now is totally out of character. She doesn’t want to take medicine because she’s worried it’ll do more damage than good for her and she feels guilty because she had to start giving her youngest child, at 5 months, the bottle instead of being entirely breast fed.
It’s no wonder why she’s feeling the way she is. She’s trying to be the perfect mother and she’s realizing she can’t be and its hard. She’s lost herself in these children, getting married and staying at home to care for them. I have great respect for her for doing it, don’t get me wrong because I’m not sure if I could do the same thing, but she’s lost her individuality, her independence and its catching up to her. Her husband is a great guy though, he works crazy hours but still makes sure he’s home for the kids and my friend. He told me that if I have the time to come over anytime and take her out for some free time and he’d look after the kids. He realizes that its important for her to have her own time. I think I will do that the next time I see her.
When things like this happen I’m reminded how lucky I am. I have nothing to complain about.
For the past few months I’ve fallen off my exercise wagon. I had been going crazy at work (its finally somewhat quiet now although its picking up again) and my time outside of work has been consumed by this and that. When I get home I just wanna lay on my couch and remain still…or just fall asleep.
I finally decided that I needed to get off my ass. I’ve never been a fan of killing myself over exercise so I had been thinking of something to keep me fit but won’t kill me in the process. That’s why I liked the idea of Yoga…yeah, that didn’t work out so well, been there done that, my body is not that bendy…yet. I haven’t given up on Yoga, just taking a break.
So, then I remembered how much I enjoyed Tai Chi. A few years back, when I was still living in Vancouver, my dad gave me a tape. I was on this health kick and started Tai Chi along with my regular exercising. In the beginning I was laughing my ass off because, well, 1) the women on the tape spoke Cantonese, which I understand, but barely and 2) the movements were so slow I thought it would never end. I was a bit ignorant about Tai Chi, but once I started getting serious and figured out what the women was saying, I really got into it. Unfortunately, when I moved back to Toronto, I lost the tape and just kinda forgot about it (as you do when you’ve moved across the country again) and started doing other exercises.
Flash forward, I asked my dad for another copy, once I decided that I would give Tai Chi another whirl, and I’ve started it up again when I got the tape this week. Its been great, a perfect way for me to stay healthy and relaxed – not out of breath and ready to keel over. There’s this component of Tai Chi that is about your breathing and for some reason all the breath-in and breath-out’s that are being said on this tape in Cantonese, which once made me laugh and annoyed me a little, keeps me focused and calm. Oh, how I’ve matured 😉 .
Of course Tai Chi will not be my only way of exercising. I need to do cardio and strength training, but the Tai Chi will keep me focused. It feels good to kick start my exercise regimen again.
Posted in Health, Life, Ramblings
Tagged Buddhism, Exercise, Health, Life, Musings, Ramblings, Tai Chi, Thoughts, Zen
I haven’t been sleeping well, in fact, I haven’t slept well in many years. I use to sleep right through the night, but I don’t anymore. Sometimes I wonder if its because of my snoring? I don’t really want to go to a sleep clinic because all they ever want to do is loop you up with drugs. No thanks, I’m not big on taking drugs to cure all ailments.
So, I’ve been up since 6am, therefore my blogging. I had a particularly hard time sleeping last night. I’ve been reading before going to bed hoping that this relaxes me enough to sleep, but that hasn’t worked. And, no, I don’t do the milk thing before bed. Once I brush my teeth, no food shall pass. I’m a little anal that way. It’s not like I’ve had a lot on my mind, I mean I have a few things on my mind, but nothing that is stressing me out. Maybe worrisome, but not stressful.
Perhaps another reason could be my bed instead of the snoring. I’ve had the mattress for over 10 years now and I know you’re suppose to change the mattress within 10 years, so perhaps its time to go mattress shopping? The reason why I think it might be my bed is because when I sleep on a nice hotel mattress, like the one I recently slept on when I was in Chicago, I get a good nights sleep. But, I’m holding off on purchasing the mattress though because I’m not sure whether my living situation will be changing. Although, if I’m honest, its not really the reason, I’m just too damn lazy to go mattress shopping 😀 .
Well, I hope to make-up all this lost sleep on the weekend. I have plans, but thankfully it doesn’t involve me waking up early!
I was pretty busy at work yesterday. I was doing some manual labour at one of our warehouses. I was helping my boss out since she volunteered to liquidate some stuff for the company bosses.
So, this warehouse is a rather nice one, except for the fact that the floors are concrete. And, that’s a given in a warehouse, but that wrecks havoc on my back. Since I was doing manual labour, I was pretty much on my feet all day. After about 4 hours of hard work my hips started hurting. I knew they would, but I ignored the pain. But, by the end of 5 hours I was pretty cranky and was looking forward to getting back into the office.
I have a history of very bad back pain and I do not want a repetition of what happened to me a few years back when my back was out continiously for 6 weeks. That was so painful I was almost in tears from that. Anyways, I digress, so yeah, by the end of the day I was pretty sore and very cranky.
My poor friend, I went out last night with her and I was just bitching away. I apologized though, for my foul mood. I didn’t direct any of it at her, except when she called to confirm plans, I apologized of course. I’m cranky only when I’m super tired, super hunger and have back pain (for an extensive period of time). I used super quite a bit there didn’t I? Apologies for the lack of better words. But, I was trying to express that I have to be to the extreme before I’m cranky, otherwise I’m pretty mellow.
Last night was not my mellow day. But, today is a better day and its Friday! I’m having lunch with my best guy friend so that already puts me in a good mood. 😉