This is what happens when you have a gassy friend:
I was at the jewellery counter at Target (spontaneous Buffalo trip this weekend) and as I was staring at this necklace, my friend, who was leaning against the counter a few feet away, suddenly let one rip…not once, not twice, that’s right, three times in succession. Startled, I stopped looking at the necklace, quickly processed what just happened thinking “no way, she did not just fart while there’s another women a few feet from me!”.
I slowly turned to her with this look of “what the hell, are you !$%^(&**# serious, you just farted in public, have you no shame?!!!”. She looked totally nonchalant, like nothing happened, but then caught my look and knew she was busted. It was when she looked at me I knew that if I didn’t walk away we’d be rolling on the floor laughing our asses off. Thinking quickly, I looked over at the women beside me, noticed she was oblivious to what just happened and I started casually walking away. My friend took my lead and went to the clothing section trying not to lose it. I was by the cosmetics stifling my urge to laugh. The women who was beside me walked by me and looked at me strangely (my stifling resulted in splutters of choked laughter). When the coast was clear, I went over to my friend and we started laughing hysterically for minutes. The type where you can’t breath, you start to cry and your stomach hurts. People were looking at us like we’d gone insane.
So, my friend was laughing cause of the look on my face – apparently it was priceless (she didn’t realize there was a women beside me, therefore the farting – like that makes it any better), I was laughing cause, well, it was hilarious (I mean she looked so damn calm for a women who just farted in public!!). She thought it was quiet enough that I wouldn’t notice therefore the calm demeanor (so as not to draw attention to herself…right). Well, it wasn’t quiet (unless they’re the silent and deadly type, farts are rarely ever quiet) and the fact that she thought she could get away with it made me laugh harder. She’s lucky there was a women beside me because I would have called her out big time – I saved her from public embarrassment.
Such unladylike behaviour. But, she’s not known to hold in her gassy stomach. She farted in a book store awhile back, thinking no one heard (why she would think in a quiet bookstore no one would hear her fart is beyond my comprehension) and my other friend, a couple aisles away, yelled out to her “don’t think I didn’t hear that” as a girl walked into the aisle my gassy friend was in. You’d think she learn, eh? I guess once a public farter, always a public farter. 😀