They say that when it rains, it pours, well its drowning right now. All the people around me are having some kind of crazy problems and I feel helpless. My only contribution is to listen and help as much as I can. I realize that sometimes that’s all one can do, but I wish I could do more.
So, one of my friends is having problems with the boyfriend. We got together after work one day to talk and catch-up. It was actually nice to talk about something not so serious, not saying being in a relationship isn’t serious business but compared to what’s happening with my other friends this is nothing.
The gist of it all is that the boyfriend is pulling away from my friend, after being the one trying to push the relationship into a more serious mode. My friend is conflicted, she feels like they’ve already broken-up, but can’t do the actual breaking-up. It’s a weird situation and my friend is having a hard time wrapping her head around it. He doesn’t want to see my friend as much but still wants to see her and take it slower. This is how I see it – he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. Apparently, seeing each other three times a week is too much. I agree, but that’s just me, I like my independence – I don’t think that’s what he’s thinking – he’s just being a jackass.
I told her what I thought, but I also told her that she has to do what feels right. I may not agree with what she may do (which I think may be to work it out), but sometimes giving up on a relationship so easily might not be the right thing. I mean what do I know? I’m no expert in relationships. I just go by my gut and if its telling me something I can’t ignore it, irregardless of all the advice I get, I usually go with my gut. And she should do the same. What’s right for her may not be right for other people, but it’s her life.
And, being single I have the luxury of telling her to kick the guy to the curb cause I think he’s an ass. I haven’t invested anytime with this person, but she has and I need to respect that. Its true that people sometimes give up on relationships too easily without trying to fight for it or work it out. Sometimes its worth the fight and sometimes its not and no matter what I think, she’ll have to do what is right for her.
I’ve been at my new job for almost two months. Its been the busiest two months of my life. I have been in jobs where its busy, but nothing that I’m experiencing right now. And, its good. I quit one of my jobs because it was so damn boring and my brain was slowly losing its intelligence. Anyways, now that I’m settling in a bit more I’m noticing the random characters around the workplace, in particular my boss.
She’s a nice enough person (before she starts the day), but she has got a mean streak that I’m just starting to really see. She’s very dramatic, loud (she sings in the office), takes everything personally, complains a lot and generally a little kooky. I don’t take offense to her craziness, but the one thing I don’t like is her intolerance for people she thinks aren’t going about things the way she thinks they should. And let me tell you I’ve been witness to a few very inappropriate comments by her already because of her lack of patience with people. A recent incident that involved me made it clear to me that its important I don’t involve her too much in what I do. Otherwise, a situation I am clearly handling gets fucked up complicated (when it shouldn’t be) because she’s taken it too far. And, I’m not the only one she’s done it to in our group.
I take it all in stride, but its not easy. I try to ignore her when she goes completely nuts. Her loud singing, I kid you not, can be annoying and long winded, but so far I haven’t had to resort to drowning her out by plugging in the iPod. I believe she sings to relieve stress, it just hurts my ears.
Intolerance and impatience with other people, when its not warranted, highly irritate me because it shows a lack of respect. I can deal with her bitching (and it can be constant), but her intolerance, that’s another thing and it’ll be harder for me to keep my cool about that. Its not unpleasant to go to work, because I enjoy my job, its a good company, and I’m certainly not going to let it bother me unless it becomes completely inappropriate, but I need to tread carefully.
I’m counting down the days, months, weeks, hours, seconds when I can kick this full time gig to the curb.
I’ve been blogging for a long time. I was thinking about this last week. I started blogging on Xanga back in 2001. I don’t remember how I found the site. But, I do remember why I started blogging. Blogging has always been a great outlet for me to express how I feel. Lately though, its been harder for me to blog because everything I’m going through right now is too personal to blog about in such a public forum.
I’ve met some very interesting and nice people from blogging. Some I keep in contact with, some I’ve lost touch with and some I will probably never speak to again. I got to thinking about all this because I still log into my Xanga account periodically to see if the people I use to read on a daily basis still write. One or two of them still do but the majority of them have stopped blogging. But, the last time I logged in I got a message from one of my favourite reads from back then. He started a new blog and wanted to let me know his new website address.
I was glad to know he was still blogging, as he had stopped for awhile, because I always enjoyed reading his old blog. He has this great writing style and no spelling mistakes, my biggest pet peeve. When I met up with him a few years ago when I was still living in Vancouver and he was living in Seattle, I could understand why I liked his blog. He was warm (he gave me a big hug when we met!), very intelligent, funny guy with a serious streak who was really thoughtful. I think that’s why I liked his blogging, his personality was brought out in his writing style. A lot of people don’t write the way they talk or convey their true selves in their blogging, but he was not one of them.
Anyways, his current blog is the same way. Warm, funny and interspersed with video’s and great music picks. I don’t read a lot of blogs, because who has the time, but his will be one that I try to read as regularly as I can.
This weekend reminded me how catty women can be. I try, very hard, not to get sucked into the vortex that is the cattiness. The good, bad and ugly of friendship between women. Especially when there is a friend who is getting married and they all think they know better than the bride. I guess the fact that its her day doesn’t seem to matter to them.
The good: my friend is getting married
The bad: planning the wedding
The ugly: all the catty, backstabbing remarks
So, yesterday my friend and I went up to Barrie to meet with her cousin to look at bridesmaid dresses (I am not part of the wedding party thank god). Apparently, last weekend when the bride went up to look for dresses for the whole wedding party, there was a meltdown by the bride. My friend and her cousin thought it was ridiculous that she broke down considering she hasn’t really had to do a lot of planning for the wedding. I was…well, surprised by their lack of sympathy for her.
Fast forward, we go to the only two wedding boutiques in Barrie and they settle on a dress. But, pretty much the whole drive to these two places my friend and her cousin go on and on about how the bride is so narrow-minded, that some of the dresses that were picked the material was crappy, they didn’t know why she insisted on going to a bridal place for the flower girls dresses when she could have just gone to Winners. It was mind-boggling how they just kept bitching about the bride.
Then on the way home my friend continued the bitching. Its a miracle my head didn’t explode. I get that my friend is still having a hard time adjusting to the fact that her closest friend is getting married. I understand, but my patience is wearing thin. I’m not sure that the next time she bitches to me about it I’ll be that receptive towards it. Honestly, my friend is being way too hard on the bride and her opinions on the future husband. I want to shake her and say “get over it and move on!”.
Oy…my head hurts just wrapping my head around this drama. Its too much for me. Simplicity has always been my philosophy. That’s why if I ever consider getting married…my future husband better be okay with eloping.
My cousin immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong about 10 – 12 years ago. Him and his wife were police officers in Hong Kong. I saw them last week and I was left with a feeling that I wasn’t “Chinese” enough – for them at least, I think I’m doing alright. “Juk Sing”, that’s what they call me – born and raised in the Western world. My cousin has these preconceived stereotypes about people such as myself, and when I say “people such as myself” I mean me being a “Juk Sing”. My cousin is a great guy, but just a little too traditional and discriminating for me. Here is just a few of the things him and his wife thought:
- He was surprised to learn that I understood and could speak Cantonese as well as I did (I’m no expert, but I can hold my own, I just need to conquer Mandarin!)
- He didn’t think I liked eating Chinese food….um, I freakin live on the stuff. I love Asian food, not just Chinese.
- Him and his wife didn’t quite understand how I could live on my own, away from my parents.
- His wife thought I should go home for dinner every night (in Hong Kong, family members gather for dinner every night – even if you don’t live together, you eat together)
- His wife was then surprised to learn that I cooked, she thought I just did take-out. And, even more surprise to learn that I enjoy cooking and I cook rice too. My cousin instantly thought I cooked pasta cause you know that’s what Juk Sing’s like…right.
I could go on and on with the list, but it was very entertaining to me these stereotypes they had. Based on what, I wasn’t exactly sure. I’m not your typical Canadian born Chinese person. I live on rice, I eat all sorts of Asian food, and actually, I’m not a huge fan of Western food, I like it, but if there was a bowl of rice, pho, Malaysian curry or chow fun in front of me, I’d pick those any day over a burger, fries and spaghetti with meatballs.
When people stereotype, it irritates me. But, I can forgive my cousin, because he grew-up in a totally different environment than me. Seriously though, me not eat rice? Its like me not breathing……I’d die.
Queen Street, Toronto
I met-up with my friend on Friday night. She’s the one that met her boyfriend on E-Harmony. I’ve been joking with her that she should do a commercial for them. She’s not agreeable to the idea.
We caught-up with each other about everything – we hadn’t seen each other in awhile. Then she started to tell me about the boyfriend. She was telling me how she insisted they spend Valentine’s day together, even though he told her he really wanted to visit his parents he hadn’t seen in awhile. She asked me if she was being too demanding insisting they spend the day together (thereby cutting into his time with his family), and I didn’t want to say she was, but I had to be honest so I told her the truth. I understood both of their points of view though – he felt that romance shouldn’t be just about one day and she wanted to be together for their first Valentine’s. Honestly, if the guy is romantic and caring all year round, I don’t need a special day for him to prove that to me and he shouldn’t need that from me either. I’ve experienced the Valentines day where you get a dozen red roses and all that, and its really nice, but I believe its the little things that a guy does all year around that matters to me most.
Anyways, I spent the day downtown on Friday. I figured it would be nice to walk along Queen street. I haven’t been in the area since the end of summer. I started my walk from the Eaton Centre, where I had parked my car, and walked all the way to Spadina and back. Between University and Spadina is where all the stores and restaurants are. I was surprised to notice that many of the retail stores had closed down since the summer. It really is a reflection on how the economy is in Canada. Its not as bad as the U.S. but we’re affected. This stretch of Queen street has always been vibrant and scattered with great specialty shops and big name shops where you could get things that no one else sold in Toronto. Its too bad that the area looks so sparse now. Its not terrible, but its not the same.
I had a good walk, about 4 hours in total for the day. It was good to get fresh air, and just enjoy the day out. I’m going to miss having this free time when I get back to the work routine.
I’m worried about my friend. My friend called me tonight to tell me about this very strange conversation she had with our friend that left her very worried. Our friend is the mother of my godchild. She’s had four kids in the span of 6 years, with one miscarriage in between. I’ve known her since university and she’s always been a strong, resilient person. I’ve hardly ever seen her weak or vulnerable.
I can’t begin to even understand the stresses of raising four kids. I’m tired out from having a day with my nephews, so I can’t fathom 24/7 with four kids. So, I got a call from her about 2 weeks ago telling me the hell she’s been through in the past few months. I had an inkling about it after her third pregnancy, but she seemed to have bounced back. This time it seems more serious and my friend and I are thinking maybe she has developed postpartum depression after her fourth child. We’ve never seen her like this before.
So, tomorrow (Friday), my friend and I will be giving her a much needed mini-break – we’ve been planning this since she left that message – its been hard to get a hold of her since, but thankfully we finally decided on a day to help her out. Its not much, but I’m going to bring lunch, clean her place up, do some laundry, pick-up my friend (who will help in the evening with me), and then I’ll make her my world famous (ok, I think so!) chicken stir fry for dinner, and then put the kids down for bed. My friend and I have decided we’ll try to do it next week as well (and continue to do it for as long as they need), and since I have the time now, might as well use it productively and usefully. I’m really looking forward to seeing her tomorrow, it’ll put my mind at ease a little just to see her and hopefully make her laugh a little with my silliness. She said she needed a laugh and I plan to deliver!
Its interesting how pregnancy, and the after effects of it, can whack a women out of balance, hormonally speaking. It has certainly affected my friend. I’ve never, ever seen her this emotional, stressed and vulnerable, ever. It just breaks my heart.