Tag Archives: Relationships

WEDDING WEEKEND

WeddingRingMy friend’s wedding is this weekend.  I’m looking forward to it.  Its my first Italian wedding.  I was thinking about that this week, about 90% of the weddings I’ve gone to in my lifetime have been of the Chinese banquet variety.  I think I’ve only gone to three weddings that weren’t.  That was a bit shocking to me because my closest friends aren’t all Asian.

Anyways, I’m the chauffeur of choice to take my friend to the church.  So, I’m borrowing my mom’s car, which is a hell of a lot nicer than my own car.  I like my little clunker, but I don’t think she’s got much left in her.  Plus, my friend seemed a bit relieved when I said I’d use my mom’s car since she’s going away this weekend for a week in California.  I think the relief was partly cause my car’s not the greatest, but also because she wasn’t sure her whole dress would fit in my little car.  Too funny.  Her dress is gorgeous though and not at all too much.  Simple…exactly how weddings should be, in my opinion.

Speaking of dresses, hell, it was rough trying to find something to wear to this wedding.  I had an outfit for the wedding ceremony, but needed something for the evening.  I don’t like shopping, so that was the first hurdle to get through and then sorting through all the crappy things out there to find something decent was not an easy task.  And, there was a lot of crap out there.  I’m not super fussy about my clothes, I mean I’m super casual (maybe that’s the problem?) but seriously, everything I saw was yucky.  But, I finally found something (to my relief) late last week and picked it up a few days ago.  Its just a dressy top for the evening, I had to admit defeat and forget about wearing a one piece and just do the two piece.  I think I’ll be more comfortable anyways.  So, I’m set for the wedding and the reception.  I like wearing two different outfits, its the Asian wedding influence on me.

My friend is very happy and I’m very happy for her.  She found someone when she least expected to.  That’s the best part about it, when she didn’t think she’d find someone, there he was.

WHEN IT RAINS, IT DROWNS

They say that when it rains, it pours, well its drowning right now.  All the people around me are having some kind of crazy problems and I feel helpless.  My only contribution is to listen and help as much as I can.  I realize that sometimes that’s all one can do, but I wish I could do more.

So, one of my friends is having problems with the boyfriend.  We got together after work one day to talk and catch-up.  It was actually nice to talk about something not so serious, not saying being in a relationship isn’t serious business but compared to what’s happening with my other friends this is nothing. 

The gist of it all is that the boyfriend is pulling away from my friend, after being the one trying to push the relationship into a more serious mode.  My friend is conflicted, she feels like they’ve already broken-up, but can’t do the actual breaking-up.  It’s a weird situation and my friend is having a hard time wrapping her head around it.  He doesn’t want to see my friend as much but still wants to see her and take it slower.  This is how I see it – he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too.  Apparently, seeing each other three times a week is too much.  I agree, but that’s just me, I like my independence – I don’t think that’s what he’s thinking – he’s just being a jackass.

I told her what I thought, but I also told her that she has to do what feels right.  I may not agree with what she may do (which I think may be to work it out), but sometimes giving up on a relationship so easily might not be the right thing.  I mean what do I know?  I’m no expert in relationships.  I just go by my gut and if its telling me something I can’t ignore it, irregardless of all the advice I get, I usually go with my gut.  And she should do the same.  What’s right for her may not be right for other people, but it’s her life.

And, being single I have the luxury of telling her to kick the guy to the curb cause I think he’s an ass.  I haven’t invested anytime with this person, but she has and I need to respect that.  Its true that people sometimes give up on relationships too easily without trying to fight for it or work it out.  Sometimes its worth the fight and sometimes its not and no matter what I think, she’ll have to do what is right for her.

QUEEN STREET

Queen Street, Toronto

Queen Street, Toronto

I met-up with my friend on Friday night.  She’s the one that met her boyfriend on E-Harmony.  I’ve been joking with her that she should do a commercial for them.  She’s not agreeable to the idea.

We caught-up with each other about everything – we hadn’t seen each other in awhile.  Then she started to tell me about the boyfriend.  She was telling me how she insisted they spend Valentine’s day together, even though he told her he really wanted to visit his parents he hadn’t seen in awhile.  She asked me if she was being too demanding insisting they spend the day together (thereby cutting into his time with his family), and I didn’t want to say she was, but I had to be honest so I told her the truth.  I understood both of their points of view though – he felt that romance shouldn’t be just about one day and she wanted to be together for their first Valentine’s.  Honestly, if the guy is romantic and caring all year round, I don’t need a special day for him to prove that to me and he shouldn’t need that from me either.  I’ve experienced the Valentines day where you get a dozen red roses and all that, and its really nice, but I believe its the little things that a guy does all year around that matters to me most.

Anyways, I spent the day downtown on Friday.  I figured it would be nice to walk along Queen street.  I haven’t been in the area since the end of summer.  I started my walk from the Eaton Centre, where I had parked my car, and walked all the way to Spadina and back.  Between University and Spadina is where all the stores and restaurants are.  I was surprised to notice that many of the retail stores had closed down since the summer.  It really is a reflection on how the economy is in Canada.  Its not as bad as the U.S. but we’re affected.  This stretch of Queen street has always been vibrant and scattered with great specialty shops and big name shops where you could get things that no one else sold in Toronto.  Its too bad that the area looks so sparse now.  Its not terrible, but its not the same.

I had a good walk, about 4 hours in total for the day.  It was good to get fresh air, and just enjoy the day out.  I’m going to miss having this free time when I get back to the work routine.

FRIENDSHIP CHANGES

When a friendship changes dramatically, its hard.  Especially if you’ve depended on this person alot.

When I was 11 or 12, my best friend and I were super close, we called each other everyday.  This continued until about university.  Our friendship started to crumble and a few years after university and many attempts to keep the friendship going, we decided to just end it.  It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but the best thing at the time, too much had happened.  We stopped talking for over 5 years.  I’m happy to report, though, that we are friends again, not as close (it will never be the same), but at least we’re in each others lives.

So, my friend was unloading on me last night.  She’s having a hard time adjusting to my friends new relationship status.  Our friend has been dating this guy for 5 months and they got engaged after only 4 months.  So, all the friends haven’t even had time to get to know this guy.  I only met him for the first time this weekend!  Everything about this guy is the opposite of what I thought my friend would end up with, but I’m happy for her nonetheless cause what’s important is that this guy treats her well and she’s happy.

My friend sees it the same way but its been a huge change for her.  They did everything together (some people actually thought they were “together” if you know what I mean) and depended on each other heavily and now she has to share her.  So, she’s trying her hardest to get to know this guy and to adjust to the change in their friendship.  I feel for her because she’s never been very independent so this is a big adjustment for her.

For me, I learned from my past.  I value my friendships, but I try not to depend on my friends.  That’s not to say I can’t depend on my friends, I know that they’ll be there for me when I really need them.  But, being independent is important to me.  I’ve learned to do a lot on my own and that has made me stronger in the process.

My friend has learned a hard lesson.  She realizes that she needs to be more independent, give the new guy more of a chance and accept the fact that change happens, even if its a pain in the ass.  😐

GIRLS WEEKEND

One of my closest friends birthday was on Monday.  She wanted to go shopping in Buffalo for the weekend for her birthday.  It wasn’t very imaginative, but it was her birthday so no complaints from me.  I just go with the flow….most of the time.

We left on Sunday, so I had to take Monday off from work.  We decided to do an overnight thing so that we could leave early on Monday, which worked perfectly cause I was home by dinner time.  Anyways, as usual, I’m shopped out.  Birthday girl is famous for her endless amounts of shopping and spending.  And, what’s funny is that we just went to Buffalo 2 months ago and she was still able to spend over $200 at Target.  I don’t know how she does it.  The only shopping I want to do after this weekend is grocery shopping.

It was good bonding time though.  I got caught-up with my friend whom I haven’t seen in awhile and birthday girl confessed to me her new crush.  We were having the best burgers at Fuddruckers (seriously, the best) and she says to me “I like that guy from the Montreal office”.  This is the guy that she tried to set-up her ex-assistant with but it didn’t work out.  Oh, the tangled web we weave.

I wasn’t surprised by her confession, I suspected that she would end up liking him, which is one of the reasons why I thought her set-up was a bad idea.  And she had told me about this situation that happened between them awhile back, which made me think he was interested in her (which he is), and her in him, but she denied it, as one does when they can’t admit their own feelings.  Anyways, distance is still a problem with this guy and he’s already pointed out her negative attributes, he’s starting off well, isn’t he? 

What do I think?  It doesn’t matter, because I’m just glad my friend is engaged in something other than shopping, stressing out about her family life, money and the next great lip balm she wants.  She’s already negative about the whole situation, so I’m not going to add to it, because its nice to see her excited (yet negative, I know, its crazy) about something other than the usual.  I think its good to take some risks because you never know what will happen.

UNHARMONIOUS

So, speaking about love and relationships, I’m on a roll now, I had another conversation with a different friend over the weekend about men.  It was like the weekend of relationship talk.

I don’t even know how we got into it because we weren’t even talking about men, but she just blurted out to me that she had tried E-Harmony.  I was really surprised, I looked at her and was like “what?”.  She had tried another dating site before E-Harmony and did not like it at all, that’s why I was so surprised that she tried internet dating again.  And, E-Harmony is not cheap, so I was doubly surprised – because according to my friend, the system is worthless unless you pay for it, so she caved and paid.

I don’t think she knew much about the site before she signed on.  All I know about the site is that it’s expensive, they have mushy commercials and a friend of mine who used it didn’t have much success.  I’ve never done the E-Harmony process myself, guided romance just doesn’t appeal to me. 

Anyways, she was telling me how annoying it was to go through this whole questionnaire process to sign-up and how the matches come to you.  You don’t choose, they choose for you based on your answers to the questionnaire and their patented technology.  And then she was telling me how stupid it was when guys closed the matches.  When they do that it’s basically “see ya later alligator, not interested” and you don’t get matched to them again.  You can appeal, but that seems a bit weird, and desperate, to me.

So, she’s met a couple of guys, but it hasn’t been what she thought (she’s no longer using it).  And, for her it felt strange to go through this whole process just to have contact with them.  Its not immediate, you have to go through this song and dance before you have direct contact.  Instant gratification is not how you would describe E-Harmony. 

The whole process seems weird to me.  Not harmonious if you ask me.  But, I applaud her for taking the plunge to do something proactive.  And, she’s still in contact with at least one guy, so who knows what will happen.  But, she won’t be participating in those mushy commercials for E-Harmony anytime soon.

MY LOVE LIFE

So, this is not an in-depth observation about my love life, cause I won’t ever do that on here.  But, it is a musing about the interest my love life gets from my married friends.

I was yapping with my friend over the weekend and she was telling me how, once again, our friend and her sister were bugging her about her love life, or lack thereof.  I got the same dig when I saw her a few weeks before.  I don’t know what it is with married friends or friends in relationships who keep bugging my single friends and I about our status.  They can’t fathom that we’re happy with the way things are.  My life is not defined by a relationship.  If I found a great guy, then awesome.  But, honestly, I think there’s only been one guy – maybe two – I’ve met in the past year or more who’s piqued my interest and put a smile on my face.  I’m not picky, I just won’t settle.  Would you?

I think the nagging is coming on stronger now because one of the single friends has just started a relationship with a great guy so now the attention is on us (although the poor girl is now getting the third degree about a wedding – will the nagging never end?!!).  I would never think to bother someone about their relationship status.  If they start the conversation, then fine.  Maybe its just me, I’m not someone who probes my friends about their relationships because I think its no ones business but your own how the love life is going.  And, I think it’s rather rude to make someone feel bad that they’re not in a relationship or that they need to be in a relationship for their life to have meaning.  You can be happy and be single.  Its possible.  I’m living proof.

And, thankfully, I don’t have parents who bother me about my love life.  If he’s important enough, they’ll know and they know that.  For now, I’m just enjoying my life and avoiding the busy bodies.  😉